So there has been something on my mind lately that I have held off sharing because I'm a little afraid of the ramifications. I haven't blogged in awhile because I'm not sure I want the world particularly a certain man to know what's been on my mind. But I think now I'm ready to share. I'm hoping it will help clear my communications and change my energy. Something has developed over the past few weeks that has made me all sorts of confused. Let's call him Hank. Once again, if you can figure that out enlighten me. I actually do has a reason behind the names. But like usual there is always a method to my madness. And there is actually two of them and the story kind of winds around both. Let's call the other one Steve. I could probably piss off a lot of boys with the nicknames I've developed, some of which are not even appropriate. I'm thinking in the next blog I'll actually tell you the nicknames I use in everyday life and see if you can match them up with their event diva alias. So I have known Hank and Steve both for years now. We have been friends for quite some time throughout the years. I guess it's safe to say as we have become adults we have become a little closer than before. It's so much more complicated then when we were sixteen. It was so easy then, I was young and carefree, not so jaded. Everything get's confusing when we become adults and have to live in real life with real consequences. I don't want to drag the world into every pathetic detail, so needless to say boy and girl friendships a little more complicated than girlfriends. I know better than this, I keep thinking. This always happens to me and I'm almost positive it's usually my fault. Although it does take two to tango. Bottom line, two boys one wants me, one doesn't and sometimes I wish it was reversed. I finally just gave up on both since I can't get what I want and I can't seem to figure it out. I tried to be honest with Steve and tell him I just need to sort some things out. Truth is I am sure I'd rather just be alone then hang out with him. So I cut him loose. Hank on the other hand couldn't care less about me and my feelings. I think he thinks he's being a friend but really he's just pissing me off. He was so quick to jump into the sack with some new chick, with literally no regard to me. I am sure he didn't even think it was an issue or he did he just didn't care enough to not do it. I'm disgusted a little bit with the actions of my so called friend. I don't feel really angry or hurt. I honestly just want to be alone. I'd rather be alone then disrespected. So I've been avoiding him. Easy to do with some chick hanging around. I am so put off by the situation, I can't even bring myself to hang out because that might mean actual eye contact. And I can't look him in the eye right now. I don't know if I ever will be able to again. I feel like he was so eager to find something else that he missed what was right here in front of him. I think someday I'm going to realize I wasted a lot of time on him and I hope someday he realizes that he missed a potentially really good thing. I still don't know if I'm ever coming back. I feel like now is the time for me to pick up and run the opposite direction. I know I deserve better and I know someday I am going to be worth more than sex. I guess I just never thought it would be one of my best friends to prove that to me.
Two more bite the dust. I'm taking a break now. All I want to do is be single. This way I don't have to deal with the drama. I always know what I'm doing and how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. I don't want to worry about someone else. I know that someday when it's right, I'll make time for someone. Till then, I'm just living it up, sleeping in til noon with my dogs on Sundays, eating ice cream and watching Will and Grace, throwing myself into work.
Bridal Tip #6 - You will not remember that your linens were creased from being pressed and your guests will not care. Don't waste time on unnecessary details. It will just stress you out.
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