"She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart"

"While he's drinking Jack all alone at the local bar, and we don't know how, how we got into this mad situation, only do things out of frustration, trying to work it out but man these times are hard"

I haven't felt heartache like this in a long time. Probably since Tommy Loewen. Even with Buzz. Probably too messed up back then to feel much of anything. I guess it's better to process the hurt now rather than have it creep up on me later in life. I feel like I can't stop crying. The fax machine jams and it's cause for tears. Needless to say, a little office gossip and I'm blubbering like a whale. How embarassing Jessica. I guess at least most of it is in private. But I feel like my composure is starting to falter. And like I am walking a tight rope between sane and nutty. At least back in college I had the support of my sisters. My little, Jill, to make a bed for me on the porch because I was too devestated to do it myself. Snuggling into bed with my Twin, Rachel, since we pushed our beds together. I was allowed to cry and be angry and shit talk all night until I felt better. I could be hysterical and then run out the front door and into Jocelyn's bed across the street where we would eat mac n cheese and watch TV all night. Now I'm still required to get up and go to work, as my heart sickness does not qualify for a vacation day. So even though I threw up at work after seeing him and felt like I would burst into tears at any given moment, I have to smile and sell ballroom space. I have had a lot of practice and luckily my sales do not miss a beat, instead it's a lovely distraction. I would give anything to go back to the Chi O house where it was socially acceptable to skip class, eat ice cream, and lay in the TV room all day in your pjs, shower at 7pm and be ready for Tailgaters at 9pm for a week straight or at least until I could function like a normal human being again. Instead, I'm all laid up in bed with a broken heart... in the evening, but 9 to 5 I'm living in the real world. And he says don't be so upset. Or he text it rather. Well that's easier said than done when I feel like a less awesome, crybaby version of my former self.