Friday Night

I'm annoyed with myself. The chaos of my life overwhelms sometimes. I lock the doors and hide in the house with the shades down. Luckily as I've aged my vices have mellowed. These days all I do is clean the house and bake. Go for a walk with Mya. Thank the Lord I made it through everything I've made it through, minimally harmed and in one piece. Although that's debatable. So it's Friday night, I hit happy hour with my sister and had a couple cocktails. Left a couple hours later with a buzz and a desire to karaoke. I had a missed call from Boston. I'm fairly certain it was a pitty call since I gave him shit all day about not returning my call Wednesday night. He blew it off without saying sorry or explaining. It pissed me off. But I was still happy to see he called and I called him back. But he's with a "friend". When Buzz was with a "friend", he was usually f*cking said friend and I'm certain when I'm not getting any someone else is. Then again, that situation was f*cked up. He says he will call right back and it's been two hours. It's almost ten and I doubt I will hear from him tonight. I'm annoyed even though it hasn't happened but because I anticipate it to be true. If he proves me wrong, I don't know what I will do. Holy issues. Six years ago I would have solved loneliness and anxiety with drugs or men. Friday night, April 15, 2011 I am doing a load of laundry, cleaning the bathroom, and watching Will&Grace. And I couldn't be happier.