My heart is broken. That much I know and feel. I fell asleep crying and I woke up crying. I went for sanctuary this morning knowing that with God was where I needed to be and knowing that I could be safe at church all day free to sob rivers of tears without judgement. I have heard that He never wastes a hurt and that He does not want us to be alone. So after spending all day with the Lord, praying and thinking about things, I realize that I am actually handling myself very well. I prayed last night that Jesus would come close and hold my heart. My prayers have been answered and even though I am hurting, the tears have stopped. I believe in His plan and His truth.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13.
I know that I don't understand and that it is not my place to. I don't understand really what Boston has to be upset about or why he won't talk to me. But I understand that we are all human and he has every right to feel how he wants. So Dionne says to focus on my part. I said I'm not sure what my part was. We decided on two points, first that I voice my feelings here rather than speaking with him directly, second that I allowed the conversation to continue via text even though it wasn't safe for me. I want to call him. Or text him. But I know I cannot force him to talk to me and I'm sure I need more time to think and to process what the hell even happened.
"in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends"
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