I can't stop crying. I was dressed to go to Blitz with the crew but mascara stream down my face and puffy red eyes are not exactly the sexy look I'm going for. I yelled at Julieho a couple years ago and said, "So what you are sad, cry into a pint of ice cream and a bottle of vodka, under no circumstances do you cry in another man's junk." My natural instinct when my pride has been hurt, my heart broken, is to run. Find anything and everything to take the edge off and make the pain stop. I feel so silly for thinking things were different this time. I feel foolish for thinking he felt the same way. I feel used, once again only wanted and needed for sex but I guess at least he had the decency not to have sex with me. I don't know what I would have preferred. My heart hurts and there is a knot in my throat and he won't talk to me. I hate being ignored and I hate stupid fucking boys that text. You see me daily, talk to me. I just feel so ridiculous. My head is pounding and every destructive thought possible is running through my head. I want to wreak havoc. Yell and scream. Find someone anyone to hold my heart for the night. I wish I had calmed down sooner. I just don't believe that he doesn't feel the same way. So why hurt me?

"One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart."