Stupid Boys

I haven't felt like writing lately. I know, right. Me with nothing to say. Well, that didn't last long and I'm back. Life has been so busy lately. Weddings, birthdays, family, church, fireworks, Kristi, beach, old friends, tears, new friends, joy. I have been carefree lately. Following a few stressful weeks in a row, I am feeling more like myself these days. Satisfied and in control. Most of the time anyway. I have been dating, quite a bit actually. Spending time with boys that make me happy and don't cause drama. Doing whatever I want, whenever I want. That's the beauty of being single, just spending time doing what I love. I have no accountability
to anyone but God. Then after this past holiday weekend, I realized that these boys I have been hanging out with pass the time, but I don't know if I ever really enjoy it. Like I feel obligated to them to hang out. But lately I dread going more and more as I realize this really isn't what I want. There is a reason that things don't work out so when we revisit them time and time again, it's like we question God. Or is it fate, that we find our way back to some people again and again? All part of His original plan. I can't figure it out, a little guidance please? At least with Boston I actually liked spending time with him. We could carry on a conversation and enjoy each other without sex. Not like this weekend trapped in a car with a man I have literally nothing to say to. Twice, two different men. I couldn't even find words to speak. About anything. And then what, you are trapped at the destination because you didn't drive so while once a thoughtful gesture now a boring evening watching boys light fireworks. Seriously just happened to me. Two nights in a row. And I like fireworks don't get me wrong. So I thought about Boston this weekend and it pissed me off. Why is it the ones we can't get enough of that never come around, and the ones we wish would stop calling never do. Stupid boys...