Love stinks. Even when it's going right we want more. I don't remember the exact moment I realized I loved G. He surprised me this time around with his patience and forgiveness. He handles me well. I know nothing about him. He doesn't talk about work or family. He doesn't talk about his ex or his past. We make conversation sometimes. I don't know how you fall in love or why. I just remember driving home from his house one morning smiling and thinking of him. Thinking I loved him. Who knew? He's a good man though. He learns well. Amber told me once that you have to teach people how to love you. I have been trying to communicate with him. This is what I need. He can pick up on some things but ultimately boys are not that perceptive. Then there's Harry, he's trying so hard and I feel terrible that it's too much for me. Realizing how deep I had fallen in with G, I now feel unprepared and way too vulnerable to the dating scene. I just wish he would chill, he's on the fast track for a relationship and we don't even know each other. And then there is Boston. Grumpy and jealous when my gay boyfriend, Andrew, tells him a story about being at Gs house. Boston then proceeded to tell me about a date he took to Buffalo Wild Wings. I wasn't listening I was trying not to giggle like a school girl and throw myself at him to make out in front of 150 red hatters. Maybe I was never ready in the first place to try things again with G. He was right, I probably was/am still hung up on Boston. G replaced him as the back up plan and Boston became the one that got away. Until I fell in love with G. Yeah, I'm still hung up on what Boston did to me. It sucked. It made me feel foolish and insecure. Vulnerable. Embarrassed. I tried 100 ways and 100 times to say sorry and beg for another chance. He said nothing. I showed up drunk one time at his house. I was made that he was talking about me with the other boys at work. Which then put me in a situation to be forcably made out with by one of our coworkers. Yeah. Awkward. I planned it going way different in my mind but my words come out wrong when he's looking to intently at me. He said nothing. Didn't even defend himself or deny the charges. So while it makes me happy that he showed jealousy on Saturday I have to continuely remind myself that he does this every time. He thinks he likes me, gets to close, and runs off scared. Tried and true every time. I absolutely do not trust him to not hurt me again so G is a better choice, even with his inability to commit. Ultimately I'm still at home alone thinking about the same things. Love stinks.