Well hell...

Well hell. When I sat down to write this that was literally the first thing that came to mind. So I guess it's a good jumping off point. I think a lot. About everything. Why we exist? Why is there Earth if we could all just be in Heaven? Where is this life going? Am I going to be able to pay the bills if I lose my job? These things cross my mind. Plus silly simple things, what will I wear tomorrow? Does he think about me? What will I do after work? I sometimes feel like I am never at rest. I know that I am not supposed to understand it so everyday I practice faith and patience that He knows exactly what I need and will provide it in His time. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1. Ever since I was little I would worry. My grandma passed recently and my sister's brought me her worry beads. Since college when I get really stressed I don't sleep. Or I fall asleep and wake up. Toss and turn. I know when I am not sleeping because Mya takes to her own bed. I don't blame her. I am annoyed with me too. Life is so short I wonder why we waste so much time being angry with each other. I wonder why we shut people out who love us and push people away when they want to be close to us. I wonder why we play games. I wonder if all I will ever do is work to live. I feel like that girl who just talks about the same boy forever and never does anything about it. I don't even want to hear about it anymore, I can only imagine what my friends think. So instead I think I will just focus on me. I can't control him. I can only control my behaviors and actions. So why not just enjoy life? I intend to.