Silence

First, I want to change how I write. I am thankful for a safe place to call home. I am thankful for a shower. I am thankful for my sisters. I am thankful for Lindsey. I am thankful for Dionne. I am thankful for the church and the women there who recognize my worth everyday rather than just my “good” days. I do not want eveyuthing I write to be negative or angry but when we are stuck in a shitty situation more often then not that is what happens. I wrote this next passage last night. Ignoring and silence is a trigger for me. I do not, have not, will not, ever respond well to this. It is mean and hurtful. No response, no response, no response. I must say I am powerless to control the anger that has overtaken me. I am powerless to control the emotion, the rage and the sadness I feel. And here we are again. I must tell you that this is one of the douchiest things ever done to me by a man. I guess I’m not surprised. I have wrote before about the scorpion and the frog and this is his nature. I know him better than he thinks. I know this is what he does. He leaves. He ignores. He runs. I know he would make a conscious choice to hurt me like this and I’m not even a little bit surprised. We have done all this before. Same shit different day. Silence as a weapon is one of the nastiest forms of abuse. And that’s all it is. Abuse. What he does to me is abuse. And I continue to allow it. So I guess what I have realized is that I am the one that needs to change. I’m guess he thinks things will be fine. He will call in another month or so with the I miss you and blah blah blah excuses like usual. But I am the one that has to put an end to it. And it’s easier said then done. But I have faith that He will make this right. Even with all the mistakes I have made. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.