Playing House

I was never his type. I pretended for a long time that it could work. But really all I was doing was playing house with him because Garrett and Tommy didn't want me. And all he was really doing was substituting this Jessica for the one he cant have. None of it fits. I went to his house last night. We are trying to be "friends". You know my thoughts on male/female friendships. There is always arterial motives. Someone wants more than the other. I have seen it a hundred times. The man hangs around the woman he's in love with hoping someday she will realize that she loves him too and they will live happily ever after, until she gets a boyfriend or he gets a real girlfriend. Ryan and I played house for over a year. We were always together, invited to parties together, family gatherings. People expected us to be together. We talked every day, stayed the night with each other, didn't make plans without consulting each other. We were boyfriend and girlfriend without the sex. (Except for the one time I drank too much during 24 and that time on Cinco De Mayo when I was supposed to be the designated driver and had too many tequila shots.) Until he got a real girlfriend. I was just the substitute until the right girl came along. He comes back every time she leaves him, three or four times now, I've lost count. And we pick up where we left off. So I know what it looks like, except this time I was the girlfriend and Jay-Z left me for the friend. I used to feel guilty for being so angry about their friendship, since that's what Amy and Ryan did to me. I could sympathize with her. I told him tonight that he's in love with her. I know that's why he's "confused" and "it's not fair to me". He's in love with another woman. And I'm not his type. It was fun for awhile, a challenge. But fantasies never last. Looking at his history, he's into borderline white trash, frumpy girls and I am the skin tight skirt, stiletto heels wearing big boobed blonde who talks too much and is into borderline bad boys, with full sleeve tattoos and an attitude that makes my friends and family slightly uncomfortable. It never would have worked.