I am afraid to let myself feel completely. I am afraid that I may feel overwhelmed if I really allow myself to feel that hurt. I am trying to keep my mind busy and my head occupied. I felt overwhelmed today. Overwhelmed by grief and guilt. I felt angry and hurt. I notice little things I don't do anymore because of him. I can't check my horoscope, because he was a Virgo too. It's weird, I know. I just don't want to think about how it relates to his life like I have done in the past. I would read it for both of us and see where the day was going to take us. I know in my head that it is better this way. But I feel in my heart that sense of dread and overwhelming sorrow. As the days go by I keep thinking it's going to get better and it doesn't. I think it's getting worse. The more days that go by, I hope he calls and I hope he'll stop by and when he doesn't I am sad. I still wake up at night thinking about him and I check my phone. Just in case he called. He hasn't. I'm devastated.
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