Blessings in Disguise

I am truly amazed at how evil people can be to one another. Especially women. Women are terrible to each other. I was thinking about it all night and why would this be the case. I still can't find the answer. Another woman hurt me today. Standing in front of a cowardly man, a woman I have never me before said some of the most hurtful things I have ever experienced. She didn't even know me. She knew my name. But she doesn't know me. She doesn't know that I have two dogs that misbehave and I love them anyway. She doesn't know that my mom is in the hospital and that I am disappointed I can't be with my family right now. She doesn't know that I struggle with panic attacks and anxiety. Or that I am battling depression. She doesn't know that my best friend is getting married in two weeks and I am slightly overwhelmed by the planning. She doesn't know that my dad and Vicki got baby goats this weekend, or that I am going over Sunday to see them. She doesn't know that I just got a huge raise and for the first time in my life I am making enough money to pay my rent and my cable in the same month. She has no idea the very details that make up my spirit. She may believe what he's told her. But she doesn't know me. Jocelyn knows me. She knows that sometimes I am flaky and that I keep telling her I will come visit and as bad as I want to I haven't made it there yet. She knows it could be another month but that I will keep my promises. Amber knows me. She knows that I am never enthusiastic about hanging out because I'm so private but that I always love to see her. She knows that we may not see each other again for awhile but when we do it will be like we were never apart. Kristi knows me. She knows that I have been really struggling with some of the decisions I have had to make these days and that I will probably still continue to make poor ones. She knows that I am comfortable telling her anything and that I always will. Stephanie knows me. She knows that I will call her whenever I need her and I know that she will always be there. She knows that I will never leave her side because I am my own person and that she can believe I will always be truthful. Darci knows me. She knows that I order Hamms in a can because it's the cheapest beer out there and that you only ever have buy one. Darci knows exactly when I don't like something or I am acting fake because I am always myself around her. They know every piece of my heart and the love me anyway. They know my character. The know my spirit. They know the hardships I have faced in life and they continue to walk beside me through more. I consider them extensions of my heart. I am amazed and inspired by them daily. I am grateful for my friends. These woman would never believe rumors about me because they know my character. They know exactly who I am, including my faults. I never made promises that I would be anything that I'm not. I have flaws. I make mistakes. I make poor choices and worse decisions. I react in anger before I think about the repercussions. I am completely honest to a fault. I struggle with my weight and at times in causes me to be insecure. I'm not always a good person but I am always a friend. Friendship is an unconditional love and respect. I trust everyone. I think that is my biggest fault. Actually that's not true, I don't trust everyone. I genuinely believe that people are good. I trust that people are good until I have reason not too. Rumors are vicious things. There are always two sides to ever story, but only one side ever gets told. She believes what he is telling her about me although I am certain he has left some details out. As humans, we can always spin a story to sound exactly how we want it to. Especially when the person you are talking about isn't around to defend themselves. I lost the energy to defend myself anyway. I wanted to fight back. I was angry and hurt be this girl, not even a woman, spouting off about a situation she knows nothing about. Not to mention, this little boy I thought was my friend is talking negatively about something I shared with him in confidence. Ultimately I feel like I brought this on myself. I fed into the drama and the lies because I was so angry. Here are two people who know nothing about me, I won't even dignify them with names. Him a boy to cowardly to speak to me himself, sending a woman in to fight for him. And to be honest, I still I'm not sure what or why just happened. Then there is her, a girl who knows nothing about me, has never met me, and has the edacity to say such hurtful things to me. When everything she says is based of lies he is telling her. I was floored. My feelings were hurt and I was upset. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. Betrayed. I felt helpless and hopeless. I wanted to react in anger and fight back, but a friend told me tonight to let it go. And I realize now that is all I can do. People say hurtful things because they don't know any better. It is not about her or what she has to say. Who I am has nothing to do with who she says I am or he says I am or who G says I am. I am me. This is who I am. And I won't offer apologies for it anymore.