Revenge is....

I have never been interested in revenge. I will not lie, I frequently think about it. All the damage I could cause, all the havoc I could wreak. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Jen and I were in conversation about my latest heartbreak last week. I told her I was fine. Sad yes. Heartsick yes. But I would be fine, there is nothing I can’t handle I told her. She said she knows that I am strong and would be okay. I told her God is strong. Me, I’m nutty. I whole heartedly believe that. The darkness in my head is way too powerful for me to ignore. But the Lord keeps me strong. He keeps me sane. Jennifer said I have grown up so much. I think I just rely on God more. I pray to Him for strength not to act on my crazy thoughts. I pray that He will hold my heart so that I can make it through another day. I ask for forgiveness for my participation in adultery. I ask for guidance so I can figure out this mess I ended up in and how to find my way out. I am not perfect, I never have been, never will be, and never claimed to be. But I will not participate in revenge. The bible says “I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it. In due time their feet will slip. Their day of disaster will arrive, and their destiny will overtake them.” Deuteronomy 32:35. It is not up to me to judge, to repay, to seek revenge. I may not always do the right thing or say the right thing, but I believe that the Lord is just. So I pray for everyone my life and I believe that He will do what is right. It is so far beyond me to even know what that is anymore.