So things have changed a little bit for me lately. Working a lot. Just enjoyed my first day off since starting the second job. And my cable was out because I haven't paid my bill. Ironic, since I'm not sure how long it has been out, but sucky since it was my day off. I finally ended up loading the dogs in the car and driving half way across town to get a movie I've been wanting to see. So I met this man who is really great. Turns out I met him in the mist of my downward spiral and just got to know him when I needed it most. The only problem is, he thinks I have issues. Little does he know...he's right. I am scared. He's the only man in my life lately that I actually care if he comes around again. But I do. Well actually I go back and forth between he hasn't called me and maybe it's better he hasn't called me. I guess at this point in life the only thing that would actually surprise me is if he stuck around. I feel like my chances have got to be getting better since I have been having such shitty luck lately. I don't know anymore. I'm really just trying to deal with life as it's coming at me. Things can change in an instant and I just have to refocus to accommodate. And for the most part I generally feel like I'm getting it. I have been dealing pretty well, being really flexible in my plans. Refocusing my goals. Working on my patience with customers. I literally look at that tattoo 15 times daily and remind myself to stay patient. Everyone has their one issue. Something that is so important to them and their experience. Like the beer at their wedding or the rate at which their Keno ticket is processed. Or something that is so important to their being. Like the drama at their club or a couple burnt racks of ribs. Things that aren't the end of the world, but to that person - it's everything. My point is that people aren't perfect. I'm not perfect. Most the time I can realize my mistake but most the time I still make it at least one more time before it really hits home. Everybody is different and has that one thing that makes them tick. For me it's insecurity of being abandoned, some people it's jealousy, some people alcoholism, some people popularity, some people status. Everyone in this world who is living life, is living with issues. Every experience we have is priming us for a choice we will make in the future. So how do we counteract for this? I'm not sure. I know I don't want to feel the way I do. Or act the way I do because of a feeling. But I do it anyway. I guess the main thing is whether or not you can live with someone elses issues. I can't make anyone like me or want me no matter how badly I want them to. So why keep worrying about it? I guess because deep down there is still a hope in me that one of these times I'm going to get it right and it's going to work. Because one of these times it is going to. But if I don't keep trying I will never know. And with every experience I'm getting stronger and wiser....Hopefully.
Event tip : I get it - it's urgent. But trust me at the end of the day. It truly can wait.
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