Messy

Everything is such a mess. I seriously feel like I can't quite get anything right these days. It's like one mistake after the next. With work and Buzz, everything I do is wrong. Work used to soothe me and now all I do is f*ck it up. All the bullsh*t with Adro it's wearing on me. I can't even focus when she stresses me out the way she does. Every morning instantly there is a problem and it's my fault. I can deal with b*tchy clients, it doesn't bother me. I have been in customer service so long I can talk people down in an instant. But lately it's like every time I turn around I'm doing something wrong. My confidence is a freaking nightmare these days. I'm insecure because so many people are challenging me I can't find my footing. I can't focus when all this is on my mind. I don't want to work or socialize. I'm so freaking tired as much as I want to see him, I'll probably just mess it up anyway. All this time I'm thinking I'm a chill person and really I don't know who I am anymore. I don't even know who I want to be. I just want to get back to a place where I'm able to function on a daily basis without ruining everyone else around me. The funny thing is I'd do anything to make him happy. The same goes for Adro. So why am I always sad? It's like my whole existence is a mistake right now. I can't quite get anything right. I'm about ready to go take a nap at the bottom of a pool. Neat.

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