Lost

I can't describe how I'm feeling right now. I go from acceptance to fear to funny. I just keep thinking why me? What do I keep doing wrong? I know I made poor choices. But I feel like it's too late to fix them now. I don't even know where to begin. I feel completely lost and alone. No one really knows what I'm going through. I'm trying to accept that the past is past and now all I can do is look to the future. I can't change what I've done. But I can change what I do. I need to start making the changes I want to see in myself. I keep saying oh next time. There is no more time. The time has to be now, that's the only way I will see the improvements if I start making the effort now, not tomorrow. I messed up. More than once.. I know right from wrong, I am an adult. I have to take responsibility for myself and get myself out of this mess. I know what my goals are. I know the woman I want to be. The difficult part is being her right now when all I want to do is feel sorry for myself and give up. But despair isn't a good color on me. I just have to focus on my goals, see who I want to be, and make the changes to accompany. Everything happens for a reason. I also believe that God doesn't lead us to situations we can't handle. Tomorrow is another day.